Hardcore

Keywords: Fashion, Show, Bimbette's, Valentine,

"

"You really are the ideal man, Darling"

"*KA-BANG*"

"You think that's funny, you stupid shithead? I'll show you funny! "

"*SMACK*"

When she got bored with that, she thought a little about what to do after work. But she was too morose to get even slightly excited about her usual Saturday night activity: going out to a bar and picking up a few guys. She thought maybe she'd pick up a quart of tequila instead and simply go home and get lonely, sloppy, amnesiac drunk.

Just as it was finally time to close and she was heading for the front door with the "closed sign", Magic Dick walked in. He was carrying the wrapped and decorated box containing the cerise salsa dress he had bought the previous night.

"She didn't like it? Or what? Wrong size? You broke up already?" Bimbette asked, thinking that he was there to return it.

"No, actually, I haven't given it to her yet," he answered, quietly.

"Why not?" asked Bimbette, cautiously.

"Because I don't have a girl friend," he said, his eyes on the floor. "You see, I'm way too self-centered, too selfish, too....too..."

"Superficial?" suggested Bimbette.

"Yes, exactly, thank you," he went on quickly, now looking at her intently. "Way too superficial for any normal girl to put up with me for long. Plus, with so many gorgeous women out there needing to be loved, why should I limit myself to only one, or even two, or three? I spend my whole day thinking about sticking my cock into every halfway attractive female I see. What sensible girl would want me as her valentine?"

"I see your point. So you want me to be your valentine, because I'm not...'normal' and not 'sensible'?" she asked, trying to sound sarcastic, but feeling secretly excited.

"No, well, yes. Of course you're not normal. You're way better than normal. But I want you to be my valentine because you "are" sensible. You know that we're sort of the same. We can enjoy each other without feeling like we're going to get tied down."

Bimbette smiled. "How long has it been, exactly, since you've had a valentine?" she asked. "No, wait," she said. "Let me guess. Grade school?"

But before he could answer, the shop door opened tentatively and Shy Dick peered in.

"I was af-f-fraid you might have closed already," he stammered. One hand was held behind his back and he was obviously hiding something.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" demanded Magic Dick loudly.

"I m-m-might ask you the same, you conceited p-p-prick" replied Shy Dick defiantly.

"Now, now, boys," said Bimbette soothingly, "Lets stay calm and let Shy Dick to tell us why he's here."

"I j-just thought you might need a v-v-valentine. So I came here to v-v-volunteer," Shy Dick said.

"But I told you guys," said Bimbette with exaggerated patience. "I don't care about Valentine's Day. And I'm too busy for it anyway. Didn't you hear me?"

"Yeah. I just didn't b-b-believe you," answered Shy Dick.

From behind his back he produced the gift-wrapped teddie and a lovely bouquet of pink roses.

"Oh, you're so sweet," said Bimbette. "But what about your girlfriend?"

"What g-girlfriend?" he replied. "I'm too…" He hesitated.

"Shy?" suggested Bimbette.

"Queer?" offered Magic Dick.

"…Reserved," continued Shy Dick, staring icily at Magic Dick. "T-too reserved to ask any of my female acquaintances to be my g-girlfriend. So I was hoping that you would be my g-girl, at least for today."

"Not too reserved to ask "me", though," observed Bimbette.

"Well, I've already had my p-p-p-prick in all your significant orifices," he replied dryly. "So…."

"Okay, okay, I get it," said Bimbette, pursing her lips and taking the gift and the flowers.

"B-but before you agree to be my v-valentine, I wanted to t-tell you…one thing," he said hesitantly.

"Yes?" answered Bimbette with a slight scowl.

"I invited…well, s-suggested…that a f-f-f-riend….d-drop by….you see, he doesn't have a g-girl friend either…and I thought that you m-m-m-m-ight…umm…I told him that…it's just that g-g-g-girls don't… and he's n-n-n-never…"

His stuttering was only getting worse and Bimbette was beginning to suspect what he was trying to say. "Do you mean that you invited one of your friends, who girls can't stand for some reason, to come over here and ask me to be his valentine?" Her voice rose steadily as she continued. "You.."you" invited him…without asking "me"? What made you think I'd ever say 'yes'? You must either think I'm really, really desperate to be someone's valentine, or that I'm really fond of stray dogs."

"Takes one to know one," said Magic Dick quietly.

"Bimbette turned her anger on him. "It takes one to know one what? Someone who's desperate to be someone's valentine? Or a stray dog?" she demanded.

"Take your pick," he grinned.

"I d-did tell him I had to ask you," interjected Shy Dick. "He's on his way, but if you d-don't want him to come, we can call him on his cell phone."

"Well, what the fuck's his name?" she asked calming down slightly. "And what's the matter with him? Why can't he find his own girlfriend?"

"Richard…R-richard Lupercalia," answered Shy Dick. "And the only problem is that he's not very good-looking, so girls don't like him much."

"Lupercalia? That's a weird name," commented Bimbette.

"D-do a little research," replied Shy Dick. "T-there's a special reason that I in-v-vited him."

"Okay, okay," she said, "But,... wait a minute, not another Dick. Don't tell me he's a Dick, too."

"We call him 'Ugly Dick'," said Magic Dick. "As in 'butt-ugly Dick'."

"B-but," began Shy Dick.

"We also call him 'Nucular Dick'," Magic Dick broke in, "Because of the size of his, you know, his warhead, you might say."

"Really?" said Bimbette, by now, no longer angry at all. "It's so shallow to judge a person on his or her looks, don't you think? But why ""Nucular" Dick'? Don't you mean "'Nuclear" Dick'?"

"No, he's a R-r-republican," explained Shy Dick.

"Well, I guess I won't hold that against him," she said. "So what are we talking here? Tactical nuke? Or…"

"Thermonuclear ICBM, is more like it," interrupted Magic Dick. "From what I've "heard", anyway," he added quickly.

"With MIRV cap-p-pability," comented Shy Dick.

"I think I might have just the silo to house that missile," she said, almost to herself.

They were still standing by the door, and just then, there was a soft knocking.

Bimbette opened the door and in walked Nucular Dick. He was, in fact, pretty ugly. He had very little chin and his nose was so big it looked like one of those false, plastic joke noses.

He held out his hand. "I'm Dick Lupercalia," he said. In his other hand he held a heart-shaped box of chocolates.

"Three Dicks - no waiting," said Magic Dick.

"What a coincidence," said Bimbette, taking his hand and holding it, "Three holes - no waiting."

"You're everything Shy Dick said you'd be," Nucular Dick said admiringly. "You're completely and totally gorgeous. The sexiest woman I've ever seen."

Bimbette squeezed his hand a little tighter. "You're pretty good-looking yourself," she said, glancing down at the large and quickly growing lump in his pants. "And getting more handsome by the second."

"What, with that big nose!" protested Magic Dick.

Nucular Dick looked into Bimbette's eyes as he answered Magic Dick. "Big? Is that all?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" replied Magic Dick.

"You might have said at least a hundred things," Nucular Dick answered without taking his eyes off of Bimbette. "Like this: 'Tis a rock!...a peak!...a cape! - A cape, forsooth! 'Tis a peninsular!'."

"Forsooth?" scowled Magic Dick.

"It's not "that" big," said Shy Dick.

"I think he's quoting from a play or something," said Bimbette.

""Cyrano de Bergerac"," Nucular Dick replied.

"Right, right," said Bimbette. "Wasn't he the one who said that you can tell the size of a man's penis by his nose? 'Big nose - huge hose' was the way he put it, wasn't it?"

"That's not true," protested Magic Dick

"I don't think Cyrano ever said exactly that," grinned Nucular Dick.

"Well, somebody did," she smiled, still holding his hand.

"That's not for me, is it?" Bimbette asked, nodding toward the heart-shaped box.

"Yes, I thought I should bring you something you'd like," he answered.

"Well, you sure did that, Lover. And the candy was a good idea, too. You're such a darling," Bimbette cooed, finally letting go of his hand to accept the chocolates. "No one has ever given me anything in a heart-shaped box before."

"So, you g-gonna be our valentine?" asked Shy Dick.

Bimbette turned to him. "You may be shy, Dick, but you're no coward," she said.

Then turning back to Nucular Dick, she said, "You, Dick, may not be Tom Cruise. But to me, you're the best-looking guy in town."

"Now, wait a minute,…" began Magic Dick.

"And you, Dick," she cut him off, "You're no wizard, but you're…, well, you're… you're… In fact, you're impossible…But you're sort of funny, and sweet…in a twisted kind of way"

Then looking from one to the other, she announced, "Of course I'll be your valentine, …and yours, …and yours. This means a lot to me, boys."

"And to me," said Shy Dick.
"Me too," agreed Nucular Dick.

"Not to me," said Magic Dick. "I just needed another chance to stick it into you."

"Maybe," answered Bimbette. "But first, you guys have $326.64 to spend on your new valentine."

"I'll kick in, too," offered Nucular Dick.

"Just give me a second to change," she said grabbing the box that Magic Dick had brought her. "We'll save the teddie for later," she grinned coyly at Shy Dick. She disappeared for a minute and came back wearing the cerise salsa dress with underwear that was slightly more opaque than what she had worn when she modeled it the night before.

"So, what do you think?" asked Bimbette, tuning a little circle to three appreciative whistles.

Keywords: Fashion, Show, Bimbette's, Valentine,

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